You want privacy in the bathroom, Humans? Why?
If you insist, I’ll run your request by the 6 other resident Cats, but don’t expect a speedy response or, if we’re being honest, any response at all, as the Cat Co-op board has many weightier matters to consider at our next meeting such as the largest Woofie, the second largest Woofie and their combined impact on our HOA fees.
In the meantime, please turn on my drippy faucet of youth.
None of us are getting any younger here.
Monday has happened again, Humans. Judging by your outfit and your impractical, professional heels, we assume that you are heading out to the mysterious place you call work.
Good luck not tripping over us on your way downstairs.
Maybe you should lose the heels until you’ve had your coffee. Just saying…
–Lily and Amber
When Human Daddy returns from the market, it is essential to inventory his purchases immediately.
If you don’t know what he got, how will you know what to beg for?
–Quicksilver and Cosmo
Saturday night carryout? Don’t mind if I do.
Even the most dedicated dieters deserve a cheat day.
Humans do not, we repeat do NOT dress up your Cats.
We do not like that, we would hate that, we might never forgive you.
Like NEVER EVER not even for a million cans of tuna would we forgive you.
Feel free to dress up like us though. You won’t look as good as us, of course, but we’ll appreciate your effort and only mock you behind your back because, really, who are you kidding trying to look like a Cat?
Only Cats can do Cat.
Are your Humans grouchy because they stayed up past their bedtimes following politics again?
You can promise to take an extra long nap on their behalf but ration your sympathy.
The Humans should know better by now than to stay up too late on a work night watching a wannabe cat fight without proper cats.
It’s important to show your gratitude when your Human Daddy sews you a new bed, with his own two hands, because you’ve destroyed all of your previous beds.
Try not to destroy this homemade bed for a couple of hours at least.
Thank you, Daddy!
It looks delicious…er…comfortable.
–Cosmo and Stella
Have you woken up from your 18-hour beauty nap to find an uppity puppy princess installed on your queen-sized mattress as if she belongs there?
Time for a stare down.
Make the most of the last warm days. Winter is right around the corner.
Stretch, stretch, stretch! Eventually you will become so long that your front and back paws will touch opposite sides of the futon mattress, so long as you don’t eat the mattress first.