There’s nothing scary about public speaking. Know your message, put yourself up high so everyone can see you, and make sure that your audience is mostly awake, which is especially important if they are feline, as we tend to sleep a majority of our time and suffer fools not at all.
Cats, help your Humans out with the housework by cleaning delicious scraps off of the stove top.
Feeling blue? Try telling yourself even a fraction of all the sweet things you tell your puppy all day long, every day, without even thinking, just breathing in and out the love.
Smart girl. Good girl. Princess. You’re the best Puppy (Human) ever.
Feel better, right?
Unloading the dishwasher is all well and good but wouldn’t it be more productive to crack open a can or two or three of tuna for your beloved panther?
Romeo is on the balcony; Juliet is in the tall clover.
No matter the orientation, love is love.
–Finnegan and Lily
Humans sometimes complain that it’s creepy to wake up in the wee hours of the night to a pair of yellow feline eyes staring at them intently.
That may be creepy, but you know what’s creepier, Humans? Having someone taking hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of photos of you while you are innocently sleeping.
Are you a large cat posing in front of a large lasagna? Don’t play into the cliché.
Ignore the lasagna. Demand tuna.
Sometimes you have to apologize.
For example, you should apologize after you chew the back plates off of the supposedly indestructible dinosaur Human Mommy procured for you 2 days ago on Amazon Prime.
Sorry pink Stegosaurus.
Sorry Futon mattress.
Sorry decorative wood trim, various shoes, wooden coffee table, etc.
You were all delicious, if it makes it any better, which it probably doesn’t.
Sorry for your extinction.
If you run across an unoccupied basket, occupy it immediately. There’s no telling if and when you’ll find another.
Happy Friday, Humans. Tomorrow you can lounge around, just like we Cats do every day of the week.
Just be sure to awaken and tend to us Cats when it is Food o’clock or Play o’clock or I’m-Bored o’clock.
It might be a good idea to tend to the Woofies, too. The noise pollution of untended Woofies disturbs our feline REM sleep.
Also, don’t even think about lounging in our spots. They are our spots. Find your own.