Half a Wish

It’s not the same as licking the water droplets out of the drippy faucet. Still, it’s better than nothing.




When your Human Mommy abandons you, it is helpful to know how many days she will be gone in order to mete out her punishment upon her return. You can sniff her carryon, count her socks, or simply hack her smartphone to extract her itinerary.


Nothing to Drink

Are you under a heat dome? Is your drippy faucet broken? Have your Neanderthal Humans failed to call a plumber to fix the faucet because they prefer showers?

You are going to die.

Stare hard at your Humans so that they understand your untimely demise is ALL THEIR FAULT.

When the Humans are no longer in the bathroom, take a restorative glug from the toilet.

Little Finnegan says it’s not half bad and things are not yet dire enough that you need to drink from your water bowl.