Woofies grow up too fast. That is why it is essential to train them when they are relatively small, preferably smaller than you, in order to instill a proper respect for Cats in them.
In the Woofies’ imagination, I will always be a Lion.
What do you mean, Human Mommy, that I must get out of this fun, crinkly plastic bag RIGHT NOW lest it smother me?
Did you ever think that you might be the one smothering me with your killjoy, rigid rules?
Choose your bachelor pad wisely. If you like a bit of action, don’t move too far out to the country–youthful Kittens will keep you young.
On the other paw, be sure that your pad is protected from the hurly-burly of the youngsters’ catnip-fueled disputes. Kittens may do fine with a mere 18 hours of sleep daily, but you require a minimum of 20 hours.
Most importantly, make sure that your pad is in close proximity to the best place in the house, i.e. the kitchen.
All naps are good, but some are better than others. For example, although I appreciate my mid-morning and mid-afternoon naps, my early afternoon nap is my favorite.
What’s that Humans? It’s Monday and you have to “work”? “Work” precludes naps, you say?
“Work” sounds dreadful.
There’s more than one way to workout on a treadmill.
For example, you can use the console for a good stretch.
You can use the arms as a jungle gym to increase your strength and balance.
Don’t worry if you get tangled up now and again.
It takes time to master new fitness routines.
Happy Mother’s Day! Give your Human Mommy a good lap cuddle and bring her some thoughtful gifts, such as a nearly dead mousie or a freshly upchucked hairball.
We love you, Human Mommy.
–Luna et al
It’s hard when the stripey, gray object of your affection is out of reach.
She’s not physically out of reach, of course, as you could easily stretch out an enormous paw to caress her whiskers or, if you’re feeling bold, sit up on your hind paws and sink your great muzzle into her velvety flank to breath in a draught of kitten perfume.
“NO Cosmo! DOWN!” the Humans will cry.
“HISSSSSS!” your beloved will screech, while somehow simultaneously reminding you of the restraining order she has taken out against you in the most intimidatingly legalistic terms she can muster.
Who knows? You may even get a bloody nose. You’ll probably get a bloody nose. Kitten claws are sharp and you saw your dearest filing hers assiduously on the remains of the living room furniture just prior to claiming her current spot.
Sometimes it is best to love from afar.
I’m going to swat your face, Big Sis Lily!
Au contraire, Little One. Don’t you see my mighty paw bearing down on your head?
I will transform myself into a kitten-tornado, Big Sis.
And my tail will become a tsunami, Little One.
–Luna and Lily
Power corrupts but absolute power controls the remote control absolutely.
There was a time, not so very long ago, when I would have been outside on a cold, rainy day like this, my little body shivering, my fur soaked and splotched with mud, my tummy grumbling with hunger.
It’s good to have a family now.
It’s good to be home.