Fireworks vs. Tuna

Happy Fourth of July, Humans!

Instead of celebrating your freedom with a barrage of noisy fireworks, why not open a series of tuna cans for us, the most independent creatures ever, American Cats?

–Finnegan and Quicksilver 

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New Couch

Thank you, Humans, for installing this new couch in our private, members-only Cat club, sometimes erroneously referred to as a front porch.

What’s that, Humans? You want to sit on our couch?

No, you may not.

First, you are not members, membership is by invitation only and, even if we were to invite you, the club fees amount to more cans of tuna than you can afford.

Second, the only remaining cushion is reserved for our esteemed club member Quicksilver.

–Phelps and Darth

Humans lie

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Humans lie.  They lie a lot.  They will tell you that going to the doctor is “good” for you, that it won’t take long, and that it won’t hurt.  Lies, lies, LIES…

Forgiveness can be purchased only with honest tuna, paid up front upon your return home, with interest due to the emotional distress you suffered when you were shoved into a rigid, coffin-like carrier and taken, against your will and despite your protests, to the vet for needless tests and multiple pokes, even though you feel just bloody fine.

Hiss…

It takes a lot of tuna to forgive a liar.

–Charlie