Make it easy for your Humans to pay the Stair Toll!
Position yourself next to two empty bowls, one for traffic coming up the stairs and one for down, in which the Humans can deposit the requisite toll of freshly uncanned tuna.
No one survives the Rabbit-Kick-of-Death!
Not unless they are offering a can or two or three or bakers dozen of Tuna…
Get the Tuna, quickly, before I render your dominant opposable thumb inactive, Human!
Not only do great Guard Cats prevent ingress of intruders, we also prevent egress of our Human Servants.
Unless you guys are heading out to fetch tuna for our supper… In that case, be our guest.
–Darth Vader and Quicksilver
A fine tuna meal requires a fine drink.
Water will do but nothing complements tuna like cream.
But that is my cream!
I killed the Creepy Crawly, Human Mommy!
I even refrained from eating it so that you could see my good work.
Where’s my reward?
P.S. I accept payment in Tuna (packed in water not oil), Catnip (the fancy organic kind not the supermarket rotgut), Cream (full fat NOT fat free) and bitcoin.
Happy Fourth of July, Humans!
Instead of celebrating your freedom with a barrage of noisy fireworks, why not open a series of tuna cans for us, the most independent creatures ever, American Cats?
–Finnegan and Quicksilver
Thank you, Humans, for installing this new couch in our private, members-only Cat club, sometimes erroneously referred to as a front porch.
What’s that, Humans? You want to sit on our couch?
No, you may not.
First, you are not members, membership is by invitation only and, even if we were to invite you, the club fees amount to more cans of tuna than you can afford.
Second, the only remaining cushion is reserved for our esteemed club member Quicksilver.
–Phelps and Darth
What a lovely, colorful salad bar you have set up for me, Human Mommy!
May I assume that a fine tuna entree will be forthcoming?
A Kitten cannot thrive on rose petals alone.
Your porch, Humans? We fear you are mistaken–this is a Members Only Cat Club.
Say what? You want to join?
We regret to inform you that membership is by invitation only and the fees are more tuna cans than you can afford.
–Finnegan, Darth Vader, and Phelps
It’s important to avoid certain topics when talking with certain friends. For example, some friends may not like talking about politics while other friends may not appreciate a detailed description of the saucer of shredded tuna you ate for lunch.