Toll Collector

Make it easy for your Humans to pay the Stair Toll!

Position yourself next to two empty bowls, one for traffic coming up the stairs and one for down, in which the Humans can deposit the requisite toll of freshly uncanned tuna.

–Darth Vader


Rabbit Kick

No one survives the Rabbit-Kick-of-Death!

Not unless they are offering a can or two or three or bakers dozen of Tuna…

Get the Tuna, quickly, before I render your dominant opposable thumb inactive, Human!


Creepy Crawly

I killed the Creepy Crawly, Human Mommy!

I even refrained from eating it so that you could see my good work.

Where’s my reward?

P.S. I accept payment in Tuna (packed in water not oil), Catnip (the fancy organic kind not the supermarket rotgut), Cream (full fat NOT fat free) and bitcoin.


New Couch

Thank you, Humans, for installing this new couch in our private, members-only Cat club, sometimes erroneously referred to as a front porch.

What’s that, Humans? You want to sit on our couch?

No, you may not.

First, you are not members, membership is by invitation only and, even if we were to invite you, the club fees amount to more cans of tuna than you can afford.

Second, the only remaining cushion is reserved for our esteemed club member Quicksilver.

–Phelps and Darth